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Saturday, October 28, 2006

Its funny how lately i've been trying to catch up on my life...and how catching on my life actually means catching up on everyone else's life (if that makes sense)! Its shameful, but you tend to be so self-involved in the dramas of your own life that you fall back on everything else. The hardest part of it all is actually trying to pick up the pieces and knowing where you left off. The easiest part, is understanding what they've been through via their blogs!!!

I've spent the past few weeks catching up on all these dvds and tv series i'm soo behind it! Problem is, i'm now up to date and looking for something else to occupy my time!

One thing that HAS occuppied my time of late is thoughts about my career. At one point, i was so sure about what i wanted...yet somewhere down the line...i've developed self doubt. I know that i wanted to leave the company i'm currently work for and get another job that will provide me with more satisfaction and achievement. Renumeration plays a small factor really.

The problem is, i don't know if what i'm going after IS the right answer? I mean don't really know if i'm going in the right direction. I just dont want to go backwards. But how will i know that i'm not? And that any other role i go into won't turn out to be everything i'm trying to leave behind?

Then theres the possibility of trying to improve on what i currently have. Instead of running away - i should actually demand for what i want and what i'm worth. But in the end, has the damage been done? Will it ever be enough? For me, the hardest part of all is knowing exactly what to demand. What can i ask for that will make it alright? I'm so set the solution of leaving, that its almost impossible for me to think of any other alternative...

If funny how quickly the effects of a holiday and some good R&R can do! I've been told that ive been looking better...not so downcast and tired...and i wish it could stay this way. I only wish there was someway i could follow my real ambition. The real reason i work in the first place - to have enough money to fulfil my other dreams - that is to travel the world. Maybe one day i'll throw in the towel on I.T. and become a travel consultant. Pass on my experiences and live my life precariously through others. My other option would to be to win lotto and spend the next few years of my life travelling and exploring the wonders of this world.

posted by Minty @ 12:47:00 am