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Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Things that have i've realised in the past 9 months:

1. Finding out that i do actually care about my career and that if i want to achieve anything, i have to actually be proactive and work on it.
I always thought that was just a line, something that is said for the sake of seeming like you wanted to be something...that i had a goal...but up until this year...i never really meant it.

I was one of those ppl who had no real direction. I had short-term goals and majority of the time, i let destiny/fate try and show me the way. I just went with the flow.

Maybe its the company i work with and the ppl i've seen still in that rut that i realised, noone else cares about what i achieve and how i can do it other than me. I have to look after myself.

2. Finding out that "being comfortable" doesn't mean i'm happy
I realised, sometimes you need the trials and tribulations in order to feel a sense of achievement accomplishment and strength. I need to understand my own needs and wants before i can fulfil anyone elses. I can't live someone elses dream....and i think this realisation lead to a few things. It probably shouldn't have ended the way it has, and i probably should have given you more notice...but sometimes you need to be a little selfish and i took that moment in time as mine even though it was on your expense. Looking back, maybe there were things i could have done better...BUT over time i hope we can both come to terms with this and looking back realise that it was for the best.

Other than the above reasons for this comment, i think it also falls in line with point 1. Maybe i've grown into myself a little and become a bit more independent, cause now i realise i determine my own happiness.

I can honestly say that i think i have had an easy life, and i have my parents to thank for that. Because of that, i've only known what it was like to be comfortable. I want to do so much with my life, yet i wasn't doing anything about actually achieving them. I was always given what i wanted but i never worked to getting what i wanted. Now i feel a sense of accomplishment.

3. Finding out that i'm not as strong as i think i am
Everyone has weaknesses and i've discovered quite a few of them of late. Over the months i've talked about doing, feeling and being something i don't want to be. I've realised now, i am emotionally driven in everything i do. I am easily influenced by my emotions regardless of how strong i think i am. Most of the time its people closest to me that drive my emotions too.

I'm glad i can feel emotion because even though it makes me feel vulnerable, i'm only human and i'm not where near perfect. I hope ppl can understand me better through my emotions.

4. Finding out that not all routines are bad
This one is pretty straight forward. I need to plan my time better and get proper sleep. I'm only doing myself damage. Not getting enough sleep, turning up to work late. In the end, it affects all aspects of my life.

5. Finding out that spending all your time with one person can have consequences on your other relationships
I have to admit i've become a little too dependent on certain ppl in my life - which for everyone that knows me...has a huge adjustment to my life. For some reason though, i think i'm comfortable with it. Everyone is in different stages in their life right now and for some reason...this feels right. I don't mind spending every waking minute of the day with him and sometimes (as bad as this sounds) i don't feel like hanging out with anyone else.

Maybe its work affecting my social life as well, but most of the time, i just want to bum...and the he's the perfect person to do it with. No hassles, no dramas...

Anyways, thats all i have time for today. All this thinking is hurting my brain!

posted by Minty @ 10:30:00 am