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Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Seriously, I think theres something wrong with me. I lack the motivation and the drive to DO things. It takes me ages just to sum up enough to last me through an assignment. Even when the assignment due date is 24hours away and i have nothing substantial... i still dont get that surge of motivation come to me anymore... it just doesnt.

Fact is, i'm just not passionate about anything anymore. The fear of failure has since left me. Its not that i think i'm indestructible but it cause i'm so near the end...maybe i dont want to reach the end? I really dont know.

Sometimes i need the push and i get on a feverish high...but it never lasts long enough. I wonder if this is how i'll always be...or that one day i'll finally find something i'm passionate about and find it again.

For example, when i was working at Decide. I was totally over it. I turned up at whatever time i wanted. I did things at my own pace. Came and went as i pleased. I didnt care... but it makes me wonder, was it cause noone pushed me? Was it cause of the laissez-faire attitude i was given when i started that made me think that way?

I dont want my future to begin like that or end like that. So for my own sake, i hope someone pushes me... i hope i find my passion again.

Please note: this is all in relation to work and uni matters. In regards to passion about my friends, my travels and key events in my life...i could not be on a more emotional high.

posted by Minty @ 1:22:00 am