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Wednesday, April 30, 2003

Its been awhile. How is everyone?

I hate uni! Not the ppl, but the uni life that I’m restricted to. The constant flow of work that’s due… the deadlines… and I know its life… but right now I just feel like I don’t have room to breathe. As much as I want to get away, it seems impossible.

To make it worse, I’m having the foreboding sense that this semesters results aren’t going to be my best. In fact, I’m overwhelmed by my own pressure to NOT fail anything. Cos I’ve failed before I’m not shameful to admit, and its that same feeling I felt before I actually failed. If I go the way I’m going, I’m bound to have the same failing streak. Maybe its because I hate all my subjects. There is NOT a single one I’m enjoying atm. Can someone remind me again WHY I’m doing computers?

The last month or so has been pretty full on. I don’t know how I’m surviving. At the rate I’m going though… I don’t think I’ll ever get out of uni! Sleepless nites, the stress, I’m at breaking point. I just want to get away. Anda mentioned crawling into a hole once… and I think that’s how I feel. I want to crawl into a deep dark hole where noone can reach me, where I can be in my own peaceful silence. Maybe not forever, but for at least a day. I want my worries to just GO AWAY! Sometimes I wonder, even if I had a career in computers, the stress isn’t going to let down. What am I going to do then?

If I don’t get a job next year, I think I’m going to seriously consider deferring uni and try to “find myself” and my passions. Explore the other opportunities available. I’m sure theres something out there that I’m capable of doing and will “love” to do. I still haven’t found it. You know how everyone seems to have one exceptional skill? Whether it be designing webpages to writing music or poems.. I’ve realised… I don’t have one! There has got to be something that I can excel in. For a while, I was doing accounting at uni and I thought that was it. Now I’ve decided it was just the topic and the way the lecturer was teaching it, not my passion for the subject or a career in accounting.

I really need a holiday after this semester. Anyone else interested? If so, Mamo and I will try to organise something. Cos I feel the need to leave this hectic lifestyle.

Speaking of Mamo, on Saturday was Mamo’s bowling party. It was lots of fun… and I took lots of pics. So be sure to check them out here.

With CMS midsem out of the way, I’m gonna take the next few days easy before the onset on the next round of assignments.

PS. I saw “How to lose a guy in 10days” with Mindy and Mamo after the exam. It’s a chick film, but it was really funny! Watch it!

posted by Minty @ 12:50:00 am