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Monday, December 16, 2002

I was reading a certain someones post today and i really got thinking. For those of you who come to my site and are dear friends of mine..i dont mind telling this shameful past/story. For those of you who dont know me well...maybe after reading this..you'll change ur attitude about me...or you'll never talk to me again..who knows. It doesnt matter.. cos i know who my true friends are...and maybe after reading this.. you'll change for the better and rethink your actions!

The topic is karma...
Karma's hit me really bad in the past! When i was in high school..all the way up until year 10 i was one of the popular girls. I dont know..that doesnt sound right.. but i was pretty well known.. and it was pretty much the grp i was in. We snobbed new ppl to the school and pretty much treated anyone else like crap..i never did it intentionally..it just happened u know? I had everything going for me, top of my class.. part of every sport and society there was..i did it all..and i had fun doing it too..

Suddenly, everything changed when i had to change schools. I became the new person that everyone else ignored.. i couldnt kinda push my way into groups that have already been formed for ages and stuff..they already had a history. A history i couldnt be apart of. In all that time, i thought.. this is Karma. And i still believe it now. I was tossed from group to group..i found that i couldnt really relate to anyone. It wasnt until year 12..that i finally found a grp i could be apart of... although in some ways we were close..in others..there were things i just couldnt share with anyone.

To me... we were a grp of outcasts. We all enjoyed being together... but we all had other support systems. We all had close friends outside of school...so we never really spent much time together outside of it. I had my friends from tutoring..friends who i've known since year 6...friends who have stuck with me thru thick and thin. I always knew i could count on them. But school was a different matter altogether, i didnt have them to hold my hand... i was lonely..Even though I HAD friends..and i wasnt a nigel in school and i was teased..i never felt like i belonged..i lost all sense of it..have u ever felt that lost? Do you know how it feels not to have anybody? I hope noone has to experience that, because its just painful.

If i wasnt such a snob to everyone before..maybe this wouldnt have happened to me. Who knows? Fact is, i realised it..and in a way i grew stronger. I relied more and more on myself and changed my ways. I tried to see be my true self..and not worry about what other ppl thought of me and most of all i tried to be nice to ppl. Get to know new ppl and give everyone a chance. Its the least they deserve.

So heres my apology...if i've ever treated you wrong..i'm sorry.. if you've deliberately hurt me..i forgive you. Its all in the past now... i'm happy with my life..and i hope everyone else will one day overcome and face their fears and past. I think i've faced mine now..

posted by Minty @ 7:33:00 pm

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