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Saturday, October 28, 2006

Its funny how lately i've been trying to catch up on my life...and how catching on my life actually means catching up on everyone else's life (if that makes sense)! Its shameful, but you tend to be so self-involved in the dramas of your own life that you fall back on everything else. The hardest part of it all is actually trying to pick up the pieces and knowing where you left off. The easiest part, is understanding what they've been through via their blogs!!!

I've spent the past few weeks catching up on all these dvds and tv series i'm soo behind it! Problem is, i'm now up to date and looking for something else to occupy my time!

One thing that HAS occuppied my time of late is thoughts about my career. At one point, i was so sure about what i wanted...yet somewhere down the line...i've developed self doubt. I know that i wanted to leave the company i'm currently work for and get another job that will provide me with more satisfaction and achievement. Renumeration plays a small factor really.

The problem is, i don't know if what i'm going after IS the right answer? I mean don't really know if i'm going in the right direction. I just dont want to go backwards. But how will i know that i'm not? And that any other role i go into won't turn out to be everything i'm trying to leave behind?

Then theres the possibility of trying to improve on what i currently have. Instead of running away - i should actually demand for what i want and what i'm worth. But in the end, has the damage been done? Will it ever be enough? For me, the hardest part of all is knowing exactly what to demand. What can i ask for that will make it alright? I'm so set the solution of leaving, that its almost impossible for me to think of any other alternative...

If funny how quickly the effects of a holiday and some good R&R can do! I've been told that ive been looking better...not so downcast and tired...and i wish it could stay this way. I only wish there was someway i could follow my real ambition. The real reason i work in the first place - to have enough money to fulfil my other dreams - that is to travel the world. Maybe one day i'll throw in the towel on I.T. and become a travel consultant. Pass on my experiences and live my life precariously through others. My other option would to be to win lotto and spend the next few years of my life travelling and exploring the wonders of this world.

posted by Minty @ 12:47:00 am

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Sunday, September 17, 2006

Lately i've been stronger about who i am and where i want to be -in life and in work. I'm feeling more confident about who i am and realising how important it is to want things for yourself. I'm ok being by myself and i'm content with the friends i have...and i just want to me and not what someone else has in mind for me...so when i heard this song it really struck home:

Jessica Simpson - I belong to me

I complete myself
nobody has got to belong to somebody else

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
my heart is my posession
I'll be my own reflection

I belong to me
I'm one not half of two and if you're gonna love me
you should know this baby...

I gota let you know before I let you in baby
that who I am is not about who I am with baby
That don't mean I dont wanna be here with you
I do

I dont need somebody to complete me
I want you to know I give all my love but I'm not givin' all my soul

Love don't mean changin who you are to be
who somebody wants you to be
nobody has got to belong to nobody

posted by Minty @ 12:18:00 am

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Thursday, August 10, 2006

Lately i've been rediscovering music. Been delving through my old collections and reminscing...
Its amazing how music can trigger moments in time...i've been surprised by my memory! For some reason, i can still remember song lyrics, tunes and what the following tune will be for songs i havent heard in years! Not only that, but what events or people i've associated a particular song to...

Just relistening to some of the songs though, i find it funny how i interpret them. Like 2 years ago, i would have interpreted them as meaning something totally different to now...i guess i'm relating it to a different part of my life. Is that a sign of maturity?

My all time favourites:
"On bended Knee"
"More than words"
"Hero"
"One sweet day"
"Cant lose what you never have"
"Breathe"
"Quit Playing games (with my heart)"
"Horses"
"My everything"

....and so much more i cant even name...

Ok..so my taste is not to everyones...but i guess i redefine the meanings of those songs ever time i listen to them...

posted by Minty @ 11:11:00 pm

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Friday, June 09, 2006

So its been awhile since i've had to blog last...but lately i've needed to do some soul-searching. Reflect on how life doesn't stand still and is always ready to throw a few surprises at you when you least expect it to.

In regards to andrew leaving for singapore...i know everyone wants to know how i feel and how i'm reacting...and the truth is...i feel numb. I've been holding onto something that i feel safe with. Just when i thought things could start being stable, something comes along to throw it all out of shape. Then again i question stability. I realise that it won't be long before i question why i've been so safe and why things may be starting to get boring (not that is has...but i can't stand monotomy).

But in other ways, sometimes i'm reassured by stability and based on past blogs..it seems that its all i crave....its just that I cant picture another reality. Maybe it hasnt hit me in its entirety yet and i can't imagine what it will be like until it happens...then i guess i'll be prepared to deal with it.

Don't get me wrong, its not like i haven't thought it through...i've imagined and pictured what it would be like and i know its going to be tough...but i keep thinking i can handle it...and truth is...what if i cant? I've never been a believer in long distance relationships...i've often scorned those in them and discourage those wanting to be in them... and now that its going to be me...i cant help but think i'll be weak and wont be able to handle it..

posted by Minty @ 1:03:00 pm

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Sunday, April 02, 2006

Unpredictability is over-rated!

They say that life is too short to be wasted thinking about things - just do it...but tell me...don't you need to think about it before any action can be taken? At some point, don't you have to plan even if it means....

"One day i want to..."
"Sometime next week i want to..."
"If only i could..."

What is the point otherwise? What can you base any of it on?
I'm not making any sense. I just wish my life had more order.

posted by Minty @ 1:15:00 pm

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